Comparing fishbowls, or creating what you want?

comparing fish bowlsWhile in this massive transition  of creating a new home and office, I have used pretty much all the tools in my spiritual toolkit, including:  Affirmations. Keeping my thoughts on the goal. Focusing on the essence of what I am creating. Lots of "door peeking," aka; lots of looking. Networking, networking networking. Staying open to all possibilities. Breathing. And most of all, allowing my human self to feel and to express her concerns.

And express she has: there has been a fair amount of expletives and explosions. But after the smoke clears and the tears are barely dry, I feel not only better, but am able to go back to using my tools.

We have moved out of our beloved home and my home office. But not to a more permanent, long term home. Nope. We are in the midst of transiting between leaving the old and finding a new one ("Yet again!" yells my human. I know honey, I know.). And though this temporary daylight basement shelter for 2 months is ok and safe and affordable, and though we have use of storage in the attached garage for the rest of our household, it is challenging and daunting to still be in transition. Especially in a climate where there are many many people also looking for the elusive affordable housing.

This uncomfortable feeling can bring about one of the biggest challenges of all: I am doing my very best not to compare our circumstances to others. And yet I have recently, and it wasn't pretty:

Hubby and I were attending a 70th birthday celebration for his brother and fellow 70 year olds. It was held at a beautiful home surrounded by park like landscaping. Evergreens towered, rhododendrons bloomed. The home was elegant and comfortable and felt loved. The almost 100 attendees were having a grand time reminiscing and catching up with each other. Adorable grand-kids ran around. I was touched by the scene.

And then, The Comparison Monster emerged from the depths of the cavernous grief I'd been feeling. Folks innocently asked where we live now, and I could hardly spit out an answer--how do I reply? With the current town name, and leave it alone? Or did this question require an explanation as to our circumstances? I felt my sad self feeling envious of others...yes, I admit this. "Look at them," the Comparison Monster growled in my ear: "This is what success and good choices bring: prosperity and a nice home to live in. An ease of life..."

All of which made me more saddened by our (bad) choices and current circumstances. I felt tears stream down my face as I drove "home" and had yet another meltdown.

The next day dawned, and so did the return of my spirit self, who said: "Everyone has burdens to bear. Every one. So don't make any assumptions based on what you perceive." Also: "Comparisons are dream killers. Knock it off honey, and keep on dreaming , and acting and trusting the process."

Thank goodness my human is so well supported. So is yours. Keep on creating, and thank you for your supportive thoughts as we create home!

By the way: I have use of a temporary office space outside LaConner, which is a very lovely place to work. Come find me!


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